{"id":60,"date":"2021-01-24T11:46:58","date_gmt":"2021-01-24T11:46:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/?p=60"},"modified":"2021-02-05T18:53:30","modified_gmt":"2021-02-05T18:53:30","slug":"reading-as-method-race","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/reading-as-method-race\/","title":{"rendered":"Part 3: Reading as method for negotiating ambiguity and seeking accountability: Race"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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I take my reading seriously. One tangible record of this is my Goodreads account where I\u2019ve been quite active the last three years. I use Goodreads as a tool specifically to connect with my colleagues who teach children\u2019s literature and with a few others including for many years Lynn Kilpatrick and Christine Seifert, a former colleague.<\/p>\n

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\"Graph<\/figure>\n

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When I want to figure something out, I read a book about it. Sure, I google stuff and read articles, but if I really want to get into something I read a book so I can have that kind of slow and patient engagement with the issue. Much of my reading over the last three years has been informed by what has been going on in the department concerning race and gender equality, and the broader political rhetorical landscape.<\/p>\n

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For example, the now infamous March department meeting had a profound impact on me professionally and personally. In the moment it felt like the English department was responding as a breathing and living body. As AJ and Bernice presented their case, I felt the entire body of the department shrink into itself. I believe many of us were stunned and confused. How had we, a department many of us have spent decades in, working diligently to hear various voices and taking the lead on equity issues at the college, let down these new colleagues of color? That\u2019s not the values we espouse and yet\u2026<\/p>\n

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On one level it seems to me the emotional exhale after the meeting was symbolic of much baggage we had been holding onto as a department. I had never seen as much hugging and crying. The conflicts from several years ago of integrating the dev ed folks, the constant tension surrounding Stephen\u2019s leadership and excruciating department meetings, the interpersonal issues between some newer faculty and more established faculty. It was a moment where the departmental body finally let down and allowed itself to be vulnerable. I believe we will need to seek out what we tapped into that day if our plans to find healing are to work. And yet, in doing so, we will also have to acknowledge that one of us, Andrea, left that meeting completely shattered and near hopeless and another, AJ, is currently still on-strike from the department. It\u2019s unclear to me how we balance out accountability, collegiality, and forgiveness.<\/p>\n

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Personally, I had to find a way to respond to these events. I was, to use Diangelo\u2019s phrase in White Fragility<\/em>, \u201cracially unmoored\u2026We need to build our capacity to sustain the discomfort of not knowing, the discomfort of being racially unmoored, the discomfort of racial humility\u201d (14). I reached out to AJ and Bernice and to various colleagues in the department to process what had happened. I also reached out to Andrea. And, as often has happened over the years with many of us, Stephen wanted to process the events to explain them and understand them, but also to proportion blame. These conversations with him during the summer did not feel productive; instead, they were tired, worn out and circular. They further propelled me to seek out new lenses in order to find some meaning in what had happened. I believe my actions here were important for me to maintain a belief that words and sentence can have an impact. I think they represent my professionalism even if they were mostly informal and did not pragmatically fix anything. I did something even if I had to start where I was at.<\/p>\n

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From that meeting and my reaching out, I reengaged thinking about diversity, anti-racism, and gender\/sexism in a way I had not for several years. I realized I had put some of this on the back burner. In retrospect I believe I had several experiences with anti-racism and a certain brand of feminism that I wasn\u2019t able to make sense of. Some elements of this thought struck me as essentialist and even fundamentalist because they did not seem to encourage conversations, but instead demanded allegiance to particular doctrines. And, on some level, I stopped engaging.<\/p>\n

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In addition, I couldn\u2019t match up my earlier work in gender and race with what was coming at me now. Back in 2000, I read We Can\u2019t teach what we don\u2019t know: white teachers, multiracial schools by<\/em> Gary Howard. And I went through the training based on his book for public school teachers. Then I became a trainer for about a year. Back then we called it diversity training. Many of the issues one would expect came up such as people, often older Mormon female elementary teachers, insisting they did not see color and loved everyone. There were tears sometimes, some anger, even on occasion people leaving the room. I learned a lot and it was my first opportunity to work under the leadership of a person of color who oversaw diversity training at the Davis School District. I jumped in headfirst, gulping down Howard\u2019s words. I remember this sentiment expressed throughout his book and explored in the training, \u201cI had entered the period of rejecting my racial identity. I had learned what it meant to be White in America, and I didn\u2019t want to have anything to do with it\u2026I had opened the door on understanding my own complicity, privilege, and racism and wanted to put this in the face of the other White folks who had not yet aid their dues. I wanted to be different, not one of them\u201d (17). I identified intensely and completely with Howard. I\u2019d been feeling this rejection of my whiteness for many years, most significantly when I was preparing to head off to Methodist College in North Carolina in 1987 after my high school graduation. Working as an electrician with my father, I had many experiences of working-class men asking me directly, \u201cwhy would you want to go to North Carolina with all those N….?\u201d<\/p>\n

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I hated them and, in retrospect, maybe hated myself, or was afraid of who I might be by association. As part of the REACH training I would share this experience with groups of educators. I started to come to terms with it, look at it, examine it, realize some of my reactions were not healthy even if they felt righteous and progressive. The director of REACH was Jackie Thompson, an African American Baptist. I\u2019d met her before when attending an African American Baptist church in Kaysville, Utah as part of a mini-ethnography I wrote for a graduate class at the U. She was intense and active. Always moving and making connections and working to improve. She smiled a lot but I quickly learned her smiles and niceness were strategies to soften her critiques and zeal for perfection. Jackie had clear views on how she wanted us to be REACH trainers: by the book is what she wanted which was not always my style. More disheartening she was not happy with my cultural presentation. Throughout the training there would be various cultural presentations from various groups: Hispanic (as we would have said back then), African American, white. I was the white guy. But for my presentation on my culture, I talked a lot about the power of African American literature: Hurston, Morrison etc. And I talked about my experience leaving to Methodist and what happened there. Yet Jackie wanted me to talk about my heritage, as she saw it, my Danish ancestry. Bring in a flag or a story about a relative. I wanted nothing to do with that and pushed back. She acquiesced to a degree and we got along fairly well.<\/p>\n

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Given these experiences, I thought, irrationally of course, I had done my work. I thought I was NOT one of those white folks unaware of their privilege. I share these details of my past to help elucidate how I tried to engage this past year in the department. To fully engage I had to admit that all I had gone through before was not enough. Of course, we all know this intellectually\u2014nothing is ever completely resolved\u2014but on some level I wanted to believe I was above basic discrimination and sexism and the painful process of becoming aware of personal faults. That was other people. And, as anti-racist discourse and some elements of feminism argue, this is part of the problem and part of the problem we encountered as a department. We all see ourselves as the good people, the one\u2019s fighting these isms.<\/p>\n

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Intermezzo:<\/strong><\/em> I assume some would see this last section as too much personal context for a professional portfolio, but I do not know any other way to approach the work I\u2019ve done and to parse out what I have contributed, where I can improve, my personal growth as an educator and colleague, AND how I hope to move forward in these capacities.<\/em><\/p>\n

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Both Howard and Diangelo specifically address a white audience and in many ways say the same thing just 20 years apart. And both allow for an analysis of what happened in the department. As Diangelo argues new racism is adaptable: “Racism without racists” (39). She continues by explain that making racism bad can seem, on the face of it, a good practice, but it too often sets up, according to DiAngelo, a good\/bad binary that works against anyone seeing themselves as racist. Any “charge” of racism will then be responded to by defending one’s character rather than reflecting on one’s behavior (72). This certainly felt like part of the dynamic in the department. Clearly AJ, Bernice, and Jerri have experienced discrimination in our department. And yet none of us would see ourselves as racists. And it does seem impossible to engage as the experience between AJ and Andrea AND our department discussion illustrate. How can you discuss racism if no one is a racist and we all want to be on the good side? Somehow we (especially me as a white male with a Mormon background) must change this dynamic. In my Goodreads review of DiAngelo\u2019s book<\/a>, I reflect in my conclusion, \u201cSurprise, surprise…I’m still a racist and I’m little bit more ok with that. Ok, in the sense that I do not feel as much need to defend myself. There’s no way escaping, just as I talk to students about ideology in my classes, the racist constructions of our country and its policies. It’s the water that supports us as white folks, especially white men. I didn’t choose this history, but I can work against it.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

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20 years later and the same insight I\u2019d had reading Howard. Had I changed or improved at all in those 20 years? I thought so but now I\u2019m not so sure. Have I ever had friends or extended professional collaborations with a person of color? No. Strangely enough, given this and I work in Utah, I\u2019ve had many administrators who are African American: a vice principal when I taught at Mountain High who called me out one day for something I do not now recall and then later apologized\u2014I can still feel and see the big tears in her eyes as she explained to me how her anger towards me was caught up in the racism she experienced from white men who looked like me; Dean Richardson on two or three gigs here at SLCC; Provost Sanderson; and now Dean Land. I\u2019ve talked with Jerri and other colleagues of color but I\u2019ve never become friends or true collaborators. 30+ years down the road from my Methodist College experience and 20 years from my REACH training and I\u2019m not sure I\u2019ve moved the needle.<\/p>\n

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Intermezzo #2: <\/strong><\/em>McWhorter’s criticism of White fragility: Can we ever escape the habits of privilege?<\/em><\/p>\n

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\u201cWhite Fragility\u00a0is, in the end, a book about how to make certain educated white readers feel better about themselves. DiAngelo\u2019s outlook rests upon a depiction of Black people as endlessly delicate poster children within this self-gratifying fantasy about how white America needs to think\u2014or, better, stop thinking. Her answer to white fragility, in other words, entails an elaborate and pitilessly dehumanizing condescension toward Black people. The sad truth is that anyone falling under the sway of this blinkered, self-satisfied, punitive stunt of a primer has been taught, by a well-intentioned but tragically misguided pastor, how to be racist in a whole new way.\u201d<\/em> The Dehumanizing Condescension of\u00a0White Fragility<\/em><\/a> in the Atlantic (2020).<\/em><\/p>\n

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Possibly current anti-racist scholars, and scholars of color, can better help me reflect on my own behaviors and move to transcend some of the blind spots of Di Angelo and Howard. I read Ibram X. Kendi\u2019s How to be an Antiracist<\/em> right after reading Diangelo. Certainly, more nuanced and\u2026profound? Other-worldly? Not white? There\u2019s the fairly basic and well-known anti-racist rhetoric which many of us have come to know and which AJ and Bernice have invoked: the opposite of racism isn\u2019t \u2018not racist\u2019 but is anti-racist; \u201cthe only remedy to racism discrimination is anti-racist discrimination\u201d (19); and \u201cthe source of racist ideas was not ignorance and hate but self-interest\u201d (230). Nuanced in that Kendi critiques a speech in 2008 where Obama invokes the \u201cstereotype of the hopeless, defeated, unmotivated poor Black\u201d which Kendi argues is not based on fact (155). This is an important takeaway from Kendi for my own continued exploration: racism is flexible, a shapeshifter that will embed itself even in those with the very best of social justice intentions.<\/p>\n

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My goodreads review demonstrates this continued exploration:<\/a><\/p>\n

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Kendi motivates me to re-engage this conversation I’ve sometimes avoided because it feels so hopeless. Even if racist policies still exist in any number of areas including policing, housing, and testing I can still admit and interrogate my own racism. I can recognize that when I do nothing, even if I do care or disagree, I’m being racist. Kendi demands we focus on changing racist policies rather than racist minds.<\/p>\n

Why? Because Kendi insists that racism is more about self-interest than about ignorance and hate (230) so changing minds has very little impact on changing lives. Self-interest. That’s key. It’s not a new idea of course. This is another iteration of white privilege, of power dynamics, yet it is articulated so succinctly and efficiently.<\/p>\n

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And we need to revisit this simple idea because in order to make things better white people must be willing to give up some of their advantage, even Obama-voting liberals must ignore or replace or reimagine their own self-interest. As Kendi argues in the last few pages, \u201cthe heartbeat of racism is denial, the heartbeat of anti-racism is confession\u201d (235).<\/p>\n

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But I also wonder when he seems to argue the ends justify the means,<\/p>\n

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“Anti-racist power must be flexible to match the flexibility of racist power, propelled only by the craving for power to shape policies\u2026Anything but flexible, we are too often bound by ideologies that are bound by failed strategies of racial changes\u2026What if antiracists were propelled only by the craving for power to shape policy in their equitable interests?” (214).<\/p>\n

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It seems very difficult to evaluate what strategies have worked. For example, in the recent BLM protests how do we evaluate which practices were more effective? The cause received much needed attention, while also a lot of pushback with the \u201call lives matter\u201d and \u201cblue lives matter\u201d empty and manipulative rhetoric. Maybe in the next few years this will become more clear. Or in our own department when individuals seem to invoke a burn it down mentality; the only way to create a safe space for people of color and women in the department is to completely start over. Does the hope for particular ends justify these means? I honestly do no know.<\/p>\n

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Intermezzo #3: <\/strong>On some level I recognize all of these words and textual explications may simply be another easy way for me to engage, but not really do something about the complexities of race here in the department and at SLCC. I can sit back in my chair and take notes without risking too much. Even writing this to my committee is not too risky as you are all white, have known me for years, and have clearly expressed confidence in my good intentions. As AJ indicated in an email to the department, he has no use of liberal folks wanting praise for reading a book on racism. Not enough. Too little, too late I think he would say. Do something. Focus on your actions.<\/em><\/p>\n

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Part of this series:<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\tPart 1: Intro: 2020\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/h3>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/article><\/div>
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\tPart 2: Mentoring & Collaboration\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/h3>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/article><\/div>
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\tPart 3: Reading as method for negotiating ambiguity and seeking accountability: Race\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/h3>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/article><\/div>
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\tPart 4: Reading as method for negotiating ambiguity and seeking accountability: Gender\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/h3>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/article><\/div>
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\tPart 5: Counterstory: Bringing it together, an unfinished project\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/h3>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/article><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I want to figure something out, I read a book about it. Sure, I google stuff and read articles, but if I really want to get into something I read a book so I can have that kind of slow and patient engagement with the issue.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":596,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","_ti_tpc_template_sync":false,"_ti_tpc_template_id":""},"categories":[4,3],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Antiracist-Tan.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=60"}],"version-history":[{"count":46,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":700,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60\/revisions\/700"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/596"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=60"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=60"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/ronchristiansen2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=60"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}